The weekend that made me look like less of a lad

My weekend.

My favourite weekends include the following:

  1.) Good food
Ostrich burgers (probably not every weekend... I don't want to extinct the species or anything? Ostrich's look like mean birds. They have that MASSIVE eye)

We also had a roast. WITH CRACKLING. 

2.) My new obsession 

I love word feud. Its scrabble but somehow feels cooler to me.

3.) Our potted plants

How old do I want to sound? But there is nothing as exciting as discovering you actually were able to grow a cucumber without killing it. Also, one day when I want cucumber I will be able to pop outside and pick it... that means I definitely will avoid that whole drama with if people should eat cucumbers or not at the moment.

4.) The PlayStation that is attached to josh. 

Its kind of the other person in our relationship. And I will probably hide it from him soon. But for the meanwhile we like to get all competitive.

5.) Asda cheap Bourbon.

My favourite drink. That's it.

6.) GO KARTING

Apparently I am not very good at this sport but I can sure as hell give some girls a run for their money. I just need to bulk up my feeble arms and then I could totally do those corners better. 

And things I don't like so much:

1.) The fact I hurt myself TWICE this weekend. 

Once by falling over a cable... which I had just rearranged so I knew perfectly well where it was. Falling spectacularly on my knee as I tried to save my face and phone.
Secondly, at go karting when a massive DOUCHE decided to cut me up and I drove into the tyre wall and completely cut open my back in the impact. GROSSS.

2.) James Pond the game. Its as terrible as its name suggests.

I love weekends because I can get away with wearing pjs all day and drinking straight from the bottle.

long exposure and long drive = fancy pictures

Driving from Birmingham to Farnham was a bit of an epic drive to be completed after work. 

We decided to have a car picnic consisting of all the summer favourites except the prawns decided to explode everywhere. I do not like prawns. I do not like prawn juice. I'd like to think I dislike prawns because my pet shrimp would be offended, but actually its just because they smell, are slimy and still have eyes when you eat them. BLERRGGG.

Also I am now a customer service advisor for trains. People complain a LOT about trains.

I have learnt a lot so far:

 1.) People who complain are very angry and it makes me laugh when I get called names and people demand replies or they are going to write to the press or try and get us shut down

2.) I apologise a lot as it is, now I do this for a job... expect a lot more whiney apologies.

3.) I don't think I will ever put a complaint into places. 

We had a 5 hour train journey home today from London (a journey that would often take us about 2 hours) because we had SUCH BAD LUCK. We missed two trains by a matter of seconds. I recon it was all part of my evil scheme as I got sympathy Burger King as a result. And it was super size. And I ate a whole box of pringles. 

(When I was younger my mum would limit our pringle intake to 10 pringles each and we would religiously count out the correct amount of pringles we were allowed. Every now and then I would sneak an extra one or two and feel so proud I had got away with it. Sometimes I would get caught out by my sisters as my pile looked bigger and then I would have to pretend I was stupid when it came to counting. I am terrible at maths.)

AND FINALLY...

I have red hair.

back to the land of steak pie (Britain)

 Back in Britain

So I am officially back in the country and its good to be home. I have new high tops which make my every step colourful and spongy. Also you forget how much countryside there is in England. Josh's house is right by cows... there was one that gave really good evils.

There are other reasons why it is so good to be back:

* Steak pie and chips for less than £5

* The tesco vouchers that come to our house addressed to "the Honourable Captain Birdseye"

* New job just round the corner (hopefully the interview goes OK tomorrow) and that means the road trips can begin

* Josh being reunited with his TV and blender. The joys of simple pleasures.

* Me being reunited with pet shops and slices of beef

But the most exciting thing is:

We have new fish!! 

Welcome to the family... Sue, Sooty, Sweep and Stuart, Stuart, Stuart and Stuart.

This is why you do not let the boys name the fish!!

4 Zebra fish and 3 sucky fish that are the fastest little movers you will ever see!

Now, this is where some motherly instinct kicks in (its not over children yet... babies make me kinda freak out. I am WAY too immature) I was so worried about Lenin our shrimp the other day. You see, the sucky fish have INVADED Lenin's Kremlin (this is actually just a set of pipes) and so I was frantically tapping the glass to get them to move out... this did not work. Poor Lenin. But happy ending time... Lenin is now a big fella who will probably beat them up.

Also, I now want turtles.

This is a good idea right?